I woke up tired. I went to bed the night before at 9:15. I haven’t done that since the 7th grade.Yet I still woke up tired.The weather is cold and gray today.The cloud that is following me is cold and gray.Sigh…On days like today It is hard to get out of bed.My flesh is fighting against all I need to do.My flesh is fighting against all I need to be.My flesh is fighting against the work I am called to do.

Breate in, breath out. Holy Spirit in. Me out.This has become my "go to" in life lately.For those times when life is all CRAZY and you are running and being pulled in all kinds of directions and you wish you could literallyBREATHE. IN. AND. OUT.Those days when you are looking for that one lost shoe and making sure all the homework is done and driving from one side of town to the other for football and dance and piano and church and go, go, go...Breath in, breathe out. Holy Spirit in, Me out.And then you have those days when you have tried to drink the coffee that you have desperately been needing since 6 o'clock in the morning when the toddler woke you up because she tee tee'd in her bed through her diaper and you change soaking wet pj's and sheets and put her beloved blanket in the wash and she screams because "da water id huwting it!!" and she keeps looking back at the closed laundry room door and asking, "id it weady?" And each time you say as sweetly as humanly possible at 6:30, "no, not yet," she starts screaming all over again and this charade continues every. two. minutes. And all you want is coffee. And Jesus. And Grace. And maybe a little more coffee. But you can't have that coffee because well, little people are screaming and you heat it up again. and then one more time.Breathe in, breathe out. Holy Spirit in, Me out.

One of my dearest friends was on the platform and one sentence she said in her message changed my life.“Sometimes you have to do it scared.”Almost every time I have said yes to God I’ve had to do it scared.Scared of the “what if’s.”What if I’m wrong?What if I fail?What if I succeed?What if I totally mess everything up?What if this is more than I can handle?During my last two pregnancies I wasn’t a happy pregnant person.In fact, it was one of the most difficult times in my life.

As mothers we are called to the greatest ministry in this world:To raise up a generation of Christ followers, leaders and world changers.To raise a generation of men and woman who will be lights in a dark world.Sally Clarkson says Jesus made world changers of his 12 disciples in 3 years and we have about 18 years to do the same!What an incredible calling and ministry that HE has entrusted us with!That is our calling and it is not for the weak!The pressures of this modern world are harsh and the traps set out for or children are cruel and sometimes well concealed.In this era of information and quick satisfaction, we are called to raise children that will seek truth and not Wikipedia facts. We are called to raise children who will learn to abide and be still, instead of running to each over-scheduled activity in fear of boredom and hidden potential.

One verse that has been such an amazing testament in my life these past few months has been Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw of everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” To know that I am surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses that have run this motherhood race before me is so encouraging and inspiring. Ecclesiastes says that ‘there is nothing new under the son’ and motherhood certainly isn't anything new!

She is tender hearted.She is dramatic.She is strong, but gentle.She loves pink and flowers and beauty.She can play by herself for hours imagining the day away.She doesn’t like “itchy” things and she despises the color green.She is my girly, girl.She is my girl.

I was frustrated and angry.Frustrated with the situation. Angry with myself.If I was better…things like this wouldn’t happen.If I was more…I was sneering at everyone who wasn’t helping.I was harsh with everyone who was.As I was frantically trying to find the lost, misplaced object I heard a little voice behind me:“Mommy maybe we can look for something else…”“No,” I said, hastily cutting her off, “we can’t. Just leave me alone, I don’t need your help so just get out of my way.”As soon as the words left my lips I felt the sting.I had struck. Hard.Immediately I saw the hurt look as she quickly turned and ran off.I didn’t call after her.I didn’t apologize.I kept looking for the lost item and sank within myself.I became the worst version of me.